It's been a little while since I have written anything here, but there are many things on my mind lately, one being people's unnecessary comments about my daughter's body. She is 17 months old, almost a year and a half for those of you who hate the "month" thing, and she is as happy and healthy as can be! And yes, she has a round little tummy and squishy thighs, and she has the cutest little waddle when she walks. AND she does not give a care in the world about any of that. Neither should you, lady who couldn't muster up something nice to say, or you, who felt the need to tell me that your son was a "fat" baby and my daughter reminds you of him, or you, person who says "wow, she is, uhm....." Just stop already. It is totally uncalled for to comment on a child's growing, changing, and complicated body. It is doing what it is supposed to do, nourish and protect, and your judgments are anything but.
Now let me say this, I don't think it is wrong to tell someone their baby is cute, sweet, squishy, etc. There are definitely right ways to go about telling a parent their baby is adorable, because round little tummies are the cutest thing! It's when that baby, that parent, is being shamed for the appearance of a developing child. I understand childhood obesity is an issue in our country, and I am not ignoring the fact that as a society we could be more active and choose healthier options, but as a parent, especially a parent of a girl, I am doing my best to raise her with body-positivity. I struggled as a teenager and into my early years of college with these issues, fighting what the media, and boyfriends, told me was beautiful and sexy, yet how desperately I wanted to fit that mold. It has taken me years to recover, and there are still days I look at myself in the mirror and suck in, thinking I would look better if..... You get the idea. It sucks to feel that way, it sucks to look at your body with such discontent. I lost a lot of weight after having my daughter, and while I was feeling great, because I had just given birth and was on top of the world about how awesome my body was/is, it didn't take long for people to plaster their thoughts onto my healing body. I looked "too thin," "boney," "frail." I, on the other hand, thought I looked sexy, healthy, vibrant, and strong! My body had just gone through childbirth, it was recovering, it was producing food for my baby, it was emotional, and it was reminding me to love it as it was, as it is. I am still upset with those comments about my body, not at the people though, they didn't know how deep their words could cut.
With that being said, I am angry at how early these comments start, and how easy it could be to change the dialogue. Zach and I bounce between girly and more neutral clothing, and I search the boy's section of thrift stores for her because neither of us wants her wearing pink, glitter, and bows all the time; as a farm kid myself, that has just never been my thing. This means her gender appearance is ambiguous sometimes, and we have been very intentional about acknowledging gender fluidity. So it amazes me that when people think she is a "boy" they say words like strong, tough, or monster (which is still a terrible way to describe an innocent child). But if I choose to share that she is a girl, they get flustered and try to find something "nice" to say. Now, we have had countless interactions with people who say kind things about her, and love when we are reminded how sweet, playful, curious, and beautiful she is. Those are always accepted words of affirmation. I share all this because I am just worn out from the body-shaming. So let's acknowledge their character, their happy demeanors, their healthy bodies, vibrant minds, their intelligence, courage, humor, curiosity, fearlessness, creativity, and wit. Children are beautiful and incredibly smart, don't encourage them to feel otherwise.