Turning 29

Today is my birthday, I'm 29. I have been thinking all day about writing but wanted to enjoy the day before I did so. I'm currently sitting in my living room sipping a glass of red wine, the Christmas tree lights are on, a vanilla candle is flickering in the background and I'm lounging on the couch with my husband and our dogs. Thinking about the last year, how wonderful and full it was with many life changes. We spent the day at home, cuddling and playing with our daughter, eating good food, talking and laughing, and working on the attic studio, a new addition to our home. Since our birthdays are four days apart, we had a joint party on Friday with our closest friends; a much needed evening. It was nice to see everyone in the same place, relaxing and enjoying each others company. I can't even begin to explain how lucky Zach and I are to have the friends that we do. Friends who also love and cherish our daughter and respect our new life as parents.

I've also been thinking about what my birthday means to my parents. This is the day they became parents, this is the day their entire life changed, twenty-nine years ago. As I was holding my daughter today relaxing on the couch, she laid her head down on my chest and melted into my body. She has been teething lately and her two bottom teeth came through just this week. As she fell asleep on my shoulder, she tilted her head back and I could see her full face. Her cute little round head laid against me, her lips were parted and as she breathed in and out, I could smell her sweet baby breath. I started to cry. Everything, I mean everything, she does is so incredibly precious and pure. I am so deeply in love with my daughter. And as I was holding her, taking in that moment, I thought about my mom and dad holding me like that, cherishing my sweet baby noises, cuddles, and baby breath. That they too knew those moments were bittersweet and ephemeral.

I've celebrated my birthday in many ways throughout my twenties, but holding my daughter on the first day of the last year as a twenty-something has been the best celebration of all. Nothing has ever brought me so much joy, and bittersweet heartache, than being her mother. In fact, it's moments like that that I wished would happen when I was pregnant with her just last year.